I am going to choose to believe that I was not wrong about you and that my instinct was right.
If I do not choose to believe these things; then the time that I knew you would have been a horrible lie and a waste.
I loved you so very much. I loved you without reservation. I loved you without limits. You were my favourite.
So even though I hate you so much there are times when I miss you and hate that you are no longer part of my life.
The worst thing is that there are the constant reminders of you in my life. The line in Rihanna’s song ‘Cheers to that’ - “oh let the Jameson sink in” reminds me of you and your friends. Every time I hear a Pit Bull song I remember you because you hate his music. Then there are the photos.
- I hate you for making me love you
- I hate you for the absolute fucking destruction you have caused
- I hate that I cannot tell you how I feel because it is not my place and that you will never read this post
- I hate that I will never see you again
- I hate that we do not live in the same country so you will never experience the true force of my anger
- I hate you because you are not the person I thought you were
- I hate that you were not strong enough to fight for love and for family
- I hate you for being spineless
- I hate you for not facing your own demons in order to heal yourself and be the man you were destined to be
- But most of all I hate you for hurting someone that loves you so damn much and would have done anything for you. Someone who when you were together it seemed to the rest of us that nothing could ever break you apart
You have not only lost an amazing person, but you lost people who loved you without reservation. You left a trail of utter emotional and financial carnage without a backward glance.
Yes, mistakes were made on both sides. But you know what? She needed a strong person. A person that would let her have her way but also knew when to tell her to pull her head in if she was being a drama queen. She needed a person to pick her up and dust her off if she had a bad day or missed her family. In return she would have given you the world (and more) and all of herself; completely, utterly, without reservation.
At the end of the day you were not strong enough.