A start...

I have decided to finally get serious about my health, weight and wellbeing. I am 34 years old, and for most of my life I have been overweight.

It has now reached a crisis point where I have a fatty liver, slight asthma, am grossly unfit and just generally tired all the time. I am sick of walking up one flight of stairs and feeling out of breath. I also want to have children, and cannot do that at this weight.

I am choosing to take responsibility for my health and I blame no one but myself for the 60kg that I have put on since I turned 20. It is me that has overeaten and all but given up exercise.

So rather than surround myself with negativity, I have decided to take a positive step and lose weight and have some fun with some of my friends. I am going to blog along the way.

I will take some “before” photos of myself to track my progress. But for now, I will include some photos of me when I was about 16, and then another when I was 19…fit, healthy and happy.

Current Weight: 157.2kg
Initial Goal Weight: 99kg
Work out pledge: 3 Cardio workouts and 2 Resistance per week

I Love you My Beautiful Friend

I have a very close friend named S. We have known each other for about 12 ½ years.

I met S when I worked for a women’s clothing shop where she was a client. The owner of the business suggested that perhaps we should go out for coffee together as we were both “young, single, girls”.

I can still remember where S and I had our first coffee “date”. It was at the Long Drop Cafe/Restaurant in Titirangi and we both had the banoffee pie.

We started hanging out regularly. At the time S was teaching aerobics in Glen Eden. I have fond memories of going to her Tuesday class and then heading back to her place for a shower, takeaways and some good Tuesday night TV.

We would go dancing all night in town; have calamari rings on K Road once the ‘Someplace Else’ bar shut around 3pm. We went to the gym together; we went to Weight Watchers (aka “Fat Club) together. We found a creative way to have fun without “spending” any valuable Weight Watchers food points.

I supported S when her boyfriend shattered her heart into pieces. I was there when S met her future husband J. I was her shoulder to cry on when the same man told her on New Year’s Eve that they should break up because he was leaving for Sydney. Then I waved good bye to my beautiful friend and J when she made the huge decision to move with him to Australia.

S and J moved back to New Zealand around the time that I met Mark. About 1-2 years later was when she first got sick. I got a phone call from J to say that he was away on business and that she had been admitted into our local hospital with an unknown illness/virus and could I go and see her.

From then on in life for my beautiful friend, and her lovely partner got horrible and hard. The doctors were stumped; and she was put through poking, prodding and a battery of tests. She lost a significant amount of weight, as could not keep anything down for long.

Finally they diagnosed that she had a fairly rare neurological disease that only a handful of people in New Zealand have. It is kind of manageable, but not curable.

Over the past 5 or so years, my friend has handled this disease with amazing strength, humour and dignity. She has been in hospital so many times, she has probably lost count and she is known by many of the neurological staff.

She stood beside me at my wedding and I stood by her at her wedding a few months later. I have been friends with her and her husband for the length of their relationship, and I can see how much they love each other. I spoke at their wedding, and I spoke of my love for her and for him. He has been a rock for her to lean on when life seems futile.

Almost two weeks ago S underwent neuro surgery to remove a cyst the size of a ping-pong ball that had grown in her brain; a cyst that is 99.9% a result of her disease. It was touch and go and after a week in hospital and a new scar to her collection she was finally ready to go home. It was not until I saw a copy of her MRI yesterday that it sunk in just how serious things were.

I am not religious, but in the days before and after her operation I begged the universe to get her through. After a few false starts the universe finally sat up and took note and she survived.

I love my friend, but I hate the disease that she has. I want to kick it in the guts, because that is what it has done to her. It has kicked her in the guts over and over again. Sometimes I wish that Dr House could come and fix it!

So to my friend; I love you and you show such strength in the face of a horrible disease. You retain your sense of humour when most people would have lost theirs. I wish I could fix you, but I cannot. So I will share your life and provide love and laughter, and give you hugs when things get rough.

My message is simple; appreciate your time on earth for it is short and treasure your family, friends and most of all life. Try and find a little happiness and joy each day no matter how hard things are.

Water Skiing + Adoption

I love the water and would love to be able to water ski or windsurf.

I last tried to water ski when I was 16 years old and unfortunately I was too tall (and big) for the size of the boat. So I gave up.

About a year ago I found out that I had been water skiing “successfully” before. Now my memory is not great, but I wondered how I could have forgotten that. It turned out that when my mum was pregnant with me she went water skiing.

Being adopted there are things I did not know; things that people take for granted. Since finding my birth family they have been able to fill the gaps over the years.

I love my parents and have never wanted for anything. They raised me with full disclosure about my adoption, the reasons surrounding my adoption and as much information as they had about my birth family (which was not much). Nevertheless, at the end of the day there were still some things that only my birth mum and family could tell me. Knowing these things certainly brings me closer to being a “whole” person.

So I now know what my mum’s pregnancy with me was like (yes I pressed on her sciatic nerve) and my birth. I have been water skiing before. And by June this year I will have been to my grandparents 25th, 50th and 60th Wedding Anniversaries.

These might be things that others take for granted, but to me they are special because if I had never met my birth family, I would have never known these things.

So perhaps this is the time to start talking to your family about things that you do not know about them. You might be surprised.

Creativity or lack thereof

At the beginning of 2010 I found myself wondering if there was something missing from my life.

As 2010 flies past, I have realised that “creativity” is missing from my life. Since joining Twitter, I have come across more and more amazing, talented and creative individuals.

Unfortunately, I seem to be “kind of” good at a few things, but I do not seem to excel in any one thing.

Baking
I love to bake, and feel that this would be an easy skill to improve and provide an amazing creative outlet. I bake for people that I love and care about to bring joy and happiness to their lives.

Painting/ArtI did painting and art until 5th Form, but I was always decidedly “average” so I gave up. I think I will leave the painting to Mark.

Photography
I did a photography night course when was in high school, but never finished it. I love photography and am now surrounded by incredibly, gifted photographers. Photography is definitely something that I would like to develop as a creative outlet and enjoyable hobby.

Music/Singing
I had piano lessons and I think my mother would have loved for me to continue these through high school. I never really got any better because I never practiced. I do love music, just not played by me. My crazy attempts at Singstar and Rockband do not even come close to singers that I love, but it is fun!

Sewing
I tried sewing through high school, but always found “finishing” the garment hard. I wish I could sew, and I am sure if I applied myself I probably could. One of my goals is to help my mum finish the quilt she started when I was born....34.5 years ago!

Speech and Drama
I did speech and drama through my early primary years, and actually really enjoyed this. Perhaps Toastmasters would be an interesting option?

Writing
I love writing and am seriously considering writing a book. Very inspired by @amerrylife’s eBook; this is something I would consider doing. However, I need to up my writing skills up a few notches.

My aim going forward: choose 3 things and start to seriously up-skill myself and learn from my creative friends.

1. Writing - write blogs more often and look at grammar. Inspired by: @cateowen @josiecampbell
2. Photography - get a better camera and go out on fun shoots with friends. Huge love to: @velofille @stockhausens @omakiwi @shotbyrobins @jaysonkingsbeer @jasminestar @MegPerotti @tahniaroberts love your work
3. Baking - Start baking different recipes and play with icing on cup cakes

What is your creative outlet?

Some words should never be used in jest

I did not know you, but I know your mum, your brother and your sister. I feel their sense of loss with you gone. Somehow your family managed to pick up the shattered pieces of their life to keep living without you here.

I love your mother so much, and in some ways I think I do know you. You were only a few months younger than me, and you had only just started your life when it was so cruelly taken away. I think of you often and cannot begin to conceive the loss of a daughter, a sister or a friend.
To the monster that brutally attacked and killed you, I have no sympathy for you. I do not care what happened in your childhood that may have led you down this path to destroy lives and families. You broke my beautiful friend and shattered her heart; and you caused many families so much grief and sadness. You took lives that were not yours to take; you had no right.

So if you make light of using the word “rape” or use it in jest, then you disgust me. If you or your family or your friends have never experienced rape then that is a blessing. However, why not spare a thought for the victims of rape and what they may feel when they see or hear that word used as a joke.

I am no longer going to talk or worry....

I have made a decision this morning. I am no longer going to talk or worry about the people that do not like me, or that I do not like. I am going to focus on growing friendships with the people who I know and love.

I am a pretty open and honest person, and if you want to know something about me then just ask. If you still do not like me, then we both just need to move on.

I think that perhaps I have been living in a bit of a dreamlike world where everyone gets along. What I have come to realise is that we are all different, and some people get on well and others do not.

I think that being an adult is about being able to be friends with different people, even if those friends do not get on themselves.

What have I learnt?
- sometimes it is not all about me and sometimes it is
- sometimes I am not the one with the problem and sometimes I am
- dispel rumours with the people involved with a good face-to-face chat and do not just "unfriend or unfollow"
- leave the gossip, bullying and bitchiness in your teens and be an adult

What have you learnt?

Know your Neighbour(s)

Remember when you knew your neighbours? I do.

Growing up my parents were good friends with our neighbours. I counted these people as “honorary” grandparents and we spent a great deal of time with them. My mum would often have a few drinks with Barby who lived next door, and they would share the highs and lows from their day. In essence we formed a little community of neighbours who became friends, and part of our lives.

I believe that knowing your neighbours helps build a sense of community, and perhaps this is something that we have lost as our lives get busier, and as we move around more.

Do not get me wrong, “neighbour” relationships (like any relationships) can be tricky things and often based on a thin line between love and hate. Nevertheless, I personally think it is so important that you at least know your neighbours in case of an emergency and to offer a friendly wave or greeting. If a friendly wave or greeting then grows further into a friendship; fantastic!

I am not that creative, and really all I can do is write and bake. When I bake, I bake with love in my heart. So, last Christmas I decided that I would bake for our direct neighbours as part of what I consider “Christmas spirit”. It was also a way to introduce ourselves to them, so if they ever needed something or help they would at least know who we were.

On Sunday the gentleman that lives across the road from us was taken away by ambulance. He has terminal cancer and lives alone. He has some amazing friends that live 2 doors up, and also a friend that checks on him regularly. It appears that someone noticed something amiss and got in touch with his friend who went to check on him. It turns out that he not only had a heart attack, but had a stroke as well. I feel gutted that he might have lain there for hours needing medical assistance and all the while life continued around him.

So if you take one thing from this blog post, then perhaps a wave or a friendly hello to your neighbours might be the beginning of something amazing. At the very least you may end up knowing your neighbours should you ever need help.

For me it has made me realise that life is so short, and elderly people who live on their own are particularly vulnerable.