Monday, August 20, 2012

Writing for release

Spring brings blossoms, new growth and renewal

So much is happening at the moment that I cannot write about because it is just too deeply personal and hard.

I have always found writing to be a release. So I find it hard when I cannot write what is going on. All I am currently trying to do is to live on a day-to-day basis.

Last week was one of the worst weeks of my life. Everything that could possibly go wrong (or happen) did. Then just when you think you cannot take ANYMORE something else would happen. It is no wonder that I could barely keep my eyes open over the weekend. I feel so tired that I just want to sleep and sleep, but sometimes when I try and sleep I cannot because my brain will not stop.

I have to think about things that I never thought I would have to deal with. I have to ask questions that I never thought I would have to ask. I have to be strong during the times when everyone else is stretched to breaking point or not coping.

I cry in private when no one is around to see or hear me. I use humour when underneath my heart is ripped to shreds. I give hugs. I offer words of support. But it just feels like it is not enough. I personally start to fall apart when people offer words of support because it means that everything that is happening is real; it is not some horrible nightmare that I cannot wake up from.

I am so glad that we were able to have a beautiful, relaxing holiday before everything went to shit.

I love my husband, my family, our close friends and our cats. They are amazing and provide the support and love that we need.


  1. Oh, Ness :(
    Whatever you're going through sounds so difficult and stressful. I have had times like that myself and I know how snowed under with it all you can feel. I also know how frustrating it is when you can't just write about it!!!
    Thinking of you and hope that things become better xo

    1. Thanks Kez. I know that if I told you, you would totally understand as I think you guys have been through a similar thing. xx