Muzzled

I feel as though I have been muzzled and cannot speak my mind whether it is an opinion or even “just a thought”.

Once upon a time I was super confident in my opinions and thoughts, but somewhere over the years my confidence has waned to the point of non-existence. I know that I have written about this before, but I have been thinking about it a lot since my second massage with Mel.

I find that I bottle my opinions and thoughts up and sometimes the way they come out is all wrong. I normally get super emotional or angry and bottle things up and then they come out in arguments, or they do not come out at all. I want to be able to speak my mind in a clear, concise way…without the emotion. Mel hit the nail on the head by explaining that I can really “own” my thoughts, opinions and I guess ultimately my “voice”. I can be calm and clear, and express my thoughts, feelings, opinions.

I think that perhaps when I started this blog that this was the way that I could express myself without the fear of recrimination. People could read my thoughts if they wanted to and comment if they wanted to. It meant that I could get my thoughts and feelings down in the way that I wanted them to be read (or heard). It meant that I would not stumble over my words, or feel pressured to get my point across in a certain amount of time. It always reminds me of an episode of Wonderfalls where Jaye is told to help a girl “get her words out”.

Even saying simple things to people stress me out. I say things over and over again in my head to see if things sound ‘right’ and not ‘aggressive’. Usually, in the end I say nothing. So from here on in I am going to “own” my thoughts etc. and try and speak with clarity and without the emotion.

Wish me luck!