|Before the Orewa Half a Half|
Yesterday, I posted this on the MMNZ Private Group:
“Things I am really not going to miss when I'm no longer overweight. 1. People looking me up and down with disgust or making comments behind their hands (even more heartbreaking when you've got out of bed to go to a walking/running event). 2. People yelling out their car windows that I'm fat (because obviously I don't realise that I am).”
What actually blew me away after I posted this were the amazing messages of support and outrage from a lot of the members of MMNZ. I realised that when I workout or even just walk down the street I am accompanied in spirit by 300+ women who I in turn support in their journeys. To the MMNZ crew: Your support and love is invaluable. I cannot find the words to express how you all made me feel yesterday. You helped fix something (me) that was broken.
It is really not the sort of thing that I would put out there as these are things that I have experienced a lot over my life. Mostly, I would choose to feel bad and then internalise the rest of my feelings and move on. I took it for granted that this is what I was going to come to expect from my life.
It wasn’t until I put it out there publically that I realised that some people just did not realise that this sort of thing happened; Makaia (founder of MMNZ) was really angry.
As I was driving to work this morning I realised that it has not just been perfect strangers that have made me feel bad, but particular members of my extended family of whom being slim seems to be the most important thing. Obviously, to some people slim = healthy. So what about all the slim people that die from heart attacks or cancer? Also, slim does not necessarily mean fit…I have seen some really small people that cannot lift as much weight as me and others that simply do not have the muscle strength to pull their shoulders back to walk tall.
I know that I am carrying far too much weight for my frame and from a BMI standpoint I am considered morbidly obese. However, I do not have any major health issues such as type 2 diabetes and surprisingly I am pretty healthy. The only thing that I have noticed as I get older is certain things which my age probably kept at bay have started to appear i.e. a bit of Asthma. My weight is not because of any hereditary issues, and my thyroid works fine. It comes from having some emotional baggage and also eating far too much and not exercising enough.
So remember when you see someone out there exercising who is overweight then I challenge you to not consider them as repulsive; instead consider them as remarkable. They are out there trying to make a difference in their lives; to make a choice to live rather than shorten their lives. Take it from me; it is such a huge feat for me to get out of bed on a stormy Sunday morning at 6am to get ready to drive to a 10.5km event. I do not want to be made to feel like shit when you look at me like I am worthless or disgusting. It is hard enough motivating myself to get out there without having to worry about what you think.
This is what I realised:
“Some beautiful things happened today. Firstly all your amazing, inspiring, loving posts were incredible to read both before and after the race. Just beautiful. I think every single MMNZ member feels the support every day (from everyone here) when they workout, eat clean and also the days when they fall off the wagon or have a rough day. Secondly was walking the first 2 Km's with a friend and then seeing her partner and their children supporting me at different parts of the course and cheering "go Ness". Lastly was the young boy (maybe 10-12 years old) saying to me on the home straight "keep going, you're nearly there". Plus all the Marshals and professional competitors who can see beyond weight to what someone is trying to achieve.”
I have decided that I will compete in my first half marathon next year in April for the Whenuapai Half. I will probably run and walk it however that is my goal. I figure if the walkers at Orewa can do a half in 2.5 hours then surely I can do it faster than 4 hours!
Who is with me?!