Simple Things

Simple things in life bring me pleasure, my loving/understanding husband, my beautiful family, our cats, music, roses, sunflowers and my close friends. These are the ones that come to mind instantly.

I am a simple girl, and by simple I do not mean “stupid”. I just want to live a happy life where the little things bring me joy.

Sometimes I cannot always get my words out the way I want them to be heard and people get frustrated or offended. Some people just think I say “dumb” stuff. If you take the time to listen, I will eventually get the words out they way I want them to sound. If you take the time, then I might even add some value.

Tonight I said to my husband that he should read my blog if he really wants to know me. How sad is that. Nevertheless, over the past months I have found the beginnings of my voice again. I have found my voice in writing. Yes, it is not perfect, but it is my voice and with more practise it will get better and finally I will be able to get my words out.

I am not an expert in anything, nor do I claim to be. I am just me, just Ness. I am a wife, mum to our cats, daughter, sister, aunty and friend.

You Make my Heart Hurt

Since joining Twitter I have become more aware of current events. I visit a wider variety of websites to get my news, which is a direct result of people tweeting links to articles and blogs. This has certainly opened my eyes and my mind to both amazing and horrible things.

Over the past few weeks crime in New Zealand seems to have escalated to an unbearable level. I am not sure if it has always been this bad, or whether I had just not noticed it.

Watching or reading the news makes me so sad that my heart hurts. I do it so that I am aware of what is happening, so I never lose sight of how short and fragile life is.

However, the tipping point for me was when there were three animal cruelty cases within a week. Since then we have had numerous assaults, murders, home invasions, rapes and robberies.

This has got me thinking about what the hell is going wrong with our society. Sure we could blame the recession, the politicians, our own personal circumstances, or childhoods etc. But seriously at what point should we start taking some responsibility for our own reactions to what is going on in our lives?

At some point as we grow up we understand the difference from right or wrong; we know that stealing or hurting others is wrong. My beautiful friend Cate wrote an amazing blog about clearing some of the “emotional junk” that is hanging around.

So please, stop blaming your past and live for today and for the future; I know I need to. Good and bad things happen that help shape us and hopefully make us stronger. If you need help, then ask. If you see someone that needs help, then help them if you are able to. Last week a beautiful 14 year old boy stepped in to help a man that was being beaten.

I am not an expert, but I am a person and have my own thoughts, feelings and opinions. I am not religious although I do believe that there is something bigger than humankind. Is there prescribed plan for us? I do not know.

One thing I do believe is that as children we are consciously or unconsciously taught to suppress negative emotions from an early age. Some people then have no normal way of dealing with anger, hatred, jealously etc. I believe we experience both negative and positive emotions; they make us human. If we can identify the negative emotions and work through them rationally, then surely we would be closer to being more well-rounded people. At least I know I would be.

So there are some questions I have:
Is it about tougher penalties?
Is it about identifying potential offenders, and to help them before something horrible happens?
Is mental illness often not recognised and therefore not dealt with?
Do parents need more support networks to help them, and give them guidance?
Is parenting becoming a bit of a lost art?
Have we forgotten how to respect other living beings and their property?
Are drugs and alcohol being more of a way to “forget” pain, or hardship?
Are some people genetically coded to be evil?

I do not know the answers to these questions. Do you?

We do not live in a war zone; and for the most part we are free from hunger or thirst. So remember we live in an extraordinary country, and I am proud to call New Zealand my home.

Emo vs. HappyNess Mash-Up

I often write blogs that are a bit “emo”, and filled with a little bit of angst. For something different, I thought this year I would try and mix the good with the bad.

On Monday 15th at 2.30am my week went downhill when I read something that I was absolutely disgusted by, and it made me so angry I could barely even function. As I write this, I think about all amazing people that I have met this week and this has cancelled out the anger. It has made me realise that life is far too short to hang onto the darkness, when there is so much light and beauty in the world.

This week, I managed to meet quite a few people (face-to-face) from Twitter. I had lunch with an amazing group of intelligent, stunning, amazing women on Friday. We are now going to meet regularly at least once a month. Yesterday, I had breakfast with friends that I have known for at least 8-9 years and their little boy. I then spent the rest of the afternoon/evening with Twitter friends and other new people. Then, this morning I had breakfast with Teena, her husband and their beautiful/funny/intelligent little girl.

Last week I met a New Zealand author who inspired me to want to start writing again, and possibly even try writing a book. Thanks Nalini!!

Since joining Twitter, my life has become enriched with some amazing people, people that I now consider to be friends, confidants and often experts in their field. These are people that I would have never met, had it not been for Twitter. You have made my world better in ways that I cannot even begin to put into words, so thank you.

I have decided to not be scared anymore about meeting new people, and trust that my personality will carry me through. As Miley Cyrus sung “so hard with my girls not around me” and with that in mind I am going to stop feeling scared, and take a huge leap of faith.

I have decided that it is not what is on the outside that is important, but what is on the inside.

Yes, I can be a bitch, yes I can throw tantrums, yes I can be overly emotional, yes I do not forgive easily, yes I do not always say what or how I feel and yes I can hang onto things past their use-by date.

Nevertheless, I trust easily, I open my heart and our home to our friends. I give when I can, and give hugs to try and make it better. I try and listen when my friends speak and offer words of support. I love and cherish my friends, and will try and stand with them against the world. If you hurt my friends, you are effectively hurting me.

I may be obese, but that has no bearing on the person that I am inside. My weight may offend you, and you may feel the need to tell me so, but remember that I can always change my appearance, but you, you will never get rid of your internal ugliness. So the next time that you feel the need to say something about another person’s appearance, why don’t you stop and think about who they are on the inside. If you cannot, then I feel sad for you.

So a quote:
“A diamond is still a diamond, even when it’s not set into an expensive ring and admired on someone’s finger”. C.M.O

Animal Cruelty

**Disclaimer: All opinions expressed below are my own personal feelings based on the information that has been available in the media.**

Yesterday, I had to buy a copy of the Herald only to be confronted by the dog massacre in Northland. As an animal lover I was upset and appalled by the situation. Mark told me not to read it, as he knows how much animal cruelty distresses me. However, over the last day and a half I have read, listened, cried and thought about how I feel about the situation.

I feel strongly about animal rescue. I have been involved in animal rescue for a number of years, and one of my closest friends has been rescuing, desexing and re-homing animals for over 20 years. Her concern is always for the animals as people, while they have a huge capacity for compassion; also have a HUGE capacity for cruelty.

In life, there are always two sides to every story.

First and foremost, I feel sympathy for the owner of the Fox Terrier; no dog deserves to be mauled. Nevertheless, I find the shooting of these dogs abhorrent. I feel that it could have been handled differently, and more humanely. I believe that ALL living beings whether human or animal deserve to be treated with dignity and respect; shooting dogs in cages, or while they cower from you in terror is disgusting, disgraceful and inhuman. So yes, the people that did this should be held accountable.

Secondly, I feel immense sadness for the owner of the dogs, as there is no way I would have watched anyone hurt or kill our animals. However, my question is how did it get to this point? There should have never been over 30 dogs on a single property. Nevertheless, on the basis of photographs and video footage, it appears that these animals were in good health and not neglected (which is great). They were obviously loved. However, why were these dogs not desexed to prevent more litters from being born?

So ‘apparently’ no one complained about these dogs, however how does one person adequately care for 40 dogs? I just do not think a single person can without other areas of their life slipping. Let’s not even talk about the cost of feeding, vet care and regular flea and worm treatments.

For me, it brings to mind cat hoarders; people that believe they are doing the right thing by “hoarding cats” and suddenly it gets completely out of control. These people think that they are doing the right thing, and in all fairness they are not. They are suffering, the animals are suffering and it is a lose-lose situation.

I believe that cats and dogs should be desexed; there is no reason to breed them. Also considering the number of healthy animals that are euthanized in New Zealand annually, why on earth would people let their animals breed?

So, people need to be re-educated about old wives tales i.e. my cat should have one litter before she is desexed, or "I want my children to experience our family cat having kittens".

So my message from this is:
- Treat people and animals with respect. Also remember they are not human so do not impose your own "belief" structure on your animals; they are not Buddhist or Christian or Catholic or Vegan.

- Owning an animal is a commitment that could last anywhere between 1-20 years. Something to think about before buying a cute puppy or kitten

- Desex your animals so they have a better quality of life and do not let them be babies having babies (cats can get pregnant from 4 months) . Desexing applies to both females and males; do the math!

- Breeding domestic cats and dogs is NOT a good source of income; just check out the amount of free cats and kittens people are trying to re-home on Trade Me.

- Do not just do ‘nothing’. If you see animal cruelty, do not turn a blind eye. If you think that a friend or a neighbour is struggling with the amount of cats and/or dogs they have then there are organisations out there that help with desexing.  

Waiwera Massage

I thought that Waiwera meant hot pools and bottled water; but it is so much more. I recently won a beautiful massage from Waiwera Infinity Spa after joining their Facebook page.

I was both excited and apprehensive about the massage. Excited because I do not treat myself a lot and apprehensive because being overweight I feel incredibly self-conscious.

I met Antonia who showed me the tranquil massage room, and gave me a key to a locker in the changing room. Opening the locker was like unwrapping a present with a few goodies inside. The disposable g-string made me laugh out loud!

Nevertheless, Antonia made me feel completely at ease. She asked if I had massages often and I said “no”. This is one of those times when you start to think back to all the massages (good and bad) that you have had in the past. The most fantastic massage that I have ever had was with a woman in Hamilton; she was absolutely incredible. I felt immediately at ease and comfortable, and it was like all the stress just evaporated.

I talked to Antonia about how she got into massage. She explained that she was a qualified Radiologist from Eastern Europe and it was difficult for her to become qualified to work in New Zealand. So she looked for other opportunities that would utilise/compliment her knowledge and ended up attending a massage course run by Wellpark.

After the massage I had the most amazing shower and felt relaxed beyond my wildest dreams.

The whole experience was amazing. Massage is now going to be a regular part of my life. Thank you to both Waiwera and especially Antonia, “Antonia you made this experience truly amazing, relaxing and thought-provoking”.

My advice is to treat yourself once in a while to a massage or a beauty treatment where you are cared for and pampered. It is the nicest gift to yourself, and one we do not do enough. PS: guys this applies to you as well!

2010-2011 List

2010-2011 List
On the 1st January 2007 I started a list of 100 things that I wanted to do in 2007; unfortunately I did not get every far.

So I have decided to try again. Instead of having reoccurring goals, I am going to put down ‘one off things’ to try over 2010 and 2011. I will probably add to the list as I go.


The first 30 things on the list will make up my 30 things in 60 Days Challenge:
1. Body Jam Class
2. Body Attack Class
3. Build a gingerbread house
4. Create a new cocktail
5. Get something published in any newspaper i.e. article or letter to the editor
6. Go to Armageddon
7. Go to the driving range
8. Go up Sky Tower
9. Have a picnic in the garden with the cats
10. Learn to make homemade sushi
11. Learn to make meringues
12. Make an art or craft item and sell it on Trade Me
13. Make and decorate a cake or cupcakes
14. Plant a tree
15. Play softball
16. Prepare Tofu for Mark and get him to eat it
17. Spend the day touring the Auckland Volcanoes (except Rangitoto)
18. Try Bikram Yoga
19. Try Pilates
20. Do Zumba
21. Do 5 RPM classes
22. At least one blog per week
23. Climb a tree
24. Enter a radio competition
25. Go to a Housie Night
26. Make an outfit to wear
27. Gilmore Girls marathon
28. Read The Hobbit
29. Clean the car
30. Hold a formal murder mystery dinner party

31. Complete the photo albums
32. Do a presentation from memory
33. Eat crayfish in Kaikoura
34. Find a book that both Mark and I will read
35. Finish my quilt with mum
36. Go kayaking
37. Go on the Picton Ferry
38. Go tandem bike riding
39. Go to a ball
40. Go to a drive in movie
41. Go to a Hip Hop class
42. Go to Gisborne
43. Go to Motat and pretend that you are a tour guide
44. Go to New York
45. Go to the Opera
46. Go to Tiri Tiri Matangi
47. Go to Waiheke Island on the Ferry
48. Go tramping in the Waitakere’s
49. Grow my hair long and learn to style it
50. Improve writing skills and then enter a writing competition
51. Indoor rock climbing
52. Join in with a busker with my maracas
53. Learn Maori
54. Learn my times tables
55. Learn to apply eye make up properly
56. Learn to back a trailer
57. Learn to ball room dance
58. Make a $5,000 one off payment on my student loan
59. Mount some of our own photos on photo blocks
60. Random acts of kindness
61. Read Lord of the Rings
62. Spend a day in someone else’s shoes
63. Walk to the top of Rangitoto
64. Do a flick flack
65. Try Ballet for Adults (Viva Latino)
66. Walk the Milford Track
67. Run on a Treadmill for 20 minutes
68. Make a cheesecake
69. Lose 20kg in 20 weeks

True Love vs. Obsessive Love

I have been thinking about the differences between true love vs. obsessive love.

At 16, I had my first serious relationship which lasted until I turned 20. Sam was my first love. For 3 years, it was ‘love’ based on my limited experience of what love was or should be.

Personally, I think that romance novels and Hollywood have a lot to answer for about how love is portrayed. For a long time I felt that if I did not experience the fairy tale ‘feeling’, then it was just not the real thing and therefore not true love. I believe that often I did not give love a chance; because I was too busy writing it off as ‘not’ true.

At 20, I met John and fell head over heels for him. My heart beat faster, my heart fluttered, I felt so happy. I believed that I had finally found what I considered to be ‘true love’. The problem was, was that it was not ‘true love’ but a horrible, twisted, obsessive love.

I was so obsessed with loving him and getting him to love me that I virtually destroyed my sense of self in the process. I pursued him mercilessly and seized on any attention he gave me. The problem about being in a destructive relationship is what it does to your psyche and heart.

For me John was like a drug that I could not get enough of. In moments of sanity I would try and wean myself off him, but one of us would always hook the other back in. My friends suffered because I would constantly try and reason out my feelings and/or John’s feelings for me. Unfortunately, I lost friends along the way.

For a long time I blamed John for my hurt and took no responsibility for my own actions however, a few years into it I realised that both parties must take responsibility for their own actions. I think it is very easy to blame the other person when you are in pain, nevertheless you do need to take a good hard look at your own actions.

Please do not get me wrong, I did love John in my own way. I would not change how the next 7 years panned out; as they have shaped who I am today. Nevertheless, I did promise myself (when it finished) that I would never love anyone like that again, and I started to construct walls around my heart.

In the end I felt that I was strong enough to walk away for good. The last thing that John called me was selfish and to this day that really hurts and makes me angry.

At 27, I met Mark via the internet. We developed a “friendship” over a couple of months. The love was not instant for me, not in the ‘true love’ format that I had come to expect. Also, I was still trying to get over John.

A friend asked me a few weeks ago “when did I realise that Mark was the ‘one’ for me”. For me it was probably about 6-9 months into the relationship when I woke up one morning and realised that I wanted to have babies with Mark. For me it was not about literal babies, however more about wanting to spend the rest of my life with this person.

What I have realised from our relationship, is that for me ‘true love’ grows and it is seldom ‘instant’. After John I thought that no one could repair the shattered parts of my heart, however Mark did this. Somehow he managed to pull together the broken parts of my heart and life to make it whole again. Our relationship is not perfect, however Mark is the one that I go to when I feel down and he tries to fix the hurt.

On our wedding day as I listened to his speech, I realised just how much he loves me. Yesterday, I just got given some scrapbooking pages from our wedding and one photo of Mark and I speaks volumes about the feelings we have for one another.

What I have learned is not to let past relationships ruin future relationships and that true love appears in different forms. If you let the past cloud your judgement, you may just miss someone amazing.