3 months, 11 days

I lost 200g this week. Considering I know where I went wrong I am not surprised. Next week will be better.

I was pretty slack with my exercise last week and only managed 3 workouts. I actually think it was 2 because in all honesty I do not think I can count vacuuming. I thought I would start out better this week and work out on Monday…but I did not get up. However, I did manage 30 minutes on the bike in the evening followed by a healthy tea. Then Tuesday everything fell apart .

We only went food shopping last night (Wednesday) as I was trying to clear out our freezer and cupboards a bit before I bought more. Suffice to say this led me down the path of unplanned lunch and snack options. Realistically I should have done a top-up shop on Sunday afternoon to get lunch stuff.

Today (Thursday) I am doing much better. I had a bucket (kidding) of salad including lettuce, tomatoes, carrot, capsicum, chicken and croutons. It was delicious. I need to make a nice vinaigrette dressing I think.

Last night I watched the ‘Kitchen Vixen’ Nigella make the most amazing tapas and Caesar salad. I am going to try some of her yummy treats including hummus with Greek yoghurt and the most amazing guacamole!! Maybe I could make my own corn chips…going too far??

I have two new recipes that I want to try and have made a list of the ingredients I am missing so that we can grab them on the way home. I cannot wait…one is Garden Lasagne which is vegetarian and the other is Jerk Chicken. I will let you know how I go!

So the plan for the next week is to make sure I always have enough at work for 5, breakfasts, 4-5 lunches and 10 snacks. Increase my exercise even if it’s just an extra 3 times per week. Also, I think it is vital that I have my lunch away from my desk even if it is in our training room, or sitting outside when it is sunny. 

It looks like I will be getting an exercise book to read and review. Excited!!!

What do you have for your lunch at work?

Why Life should have an Undo Button

I was talking to my cousin a little while ago and she remarked that sometimes she says things and then as soon as they are said she thinks “oh I should not have said that”. I said “I wish there was an undo button for life”.

Over the years I have realised that having an undo button for life would make things so much better. It would mean that I could live my life without having to edit-proof a lot of the things that come falling out of my mouth.

I have inadvertently blurted things out to people before and then thought “oh hell…UNDO” only to realise that there is no UNDO!

Since there is no way that we are going to get an Undo button I think it is best that I learn to edit my words before they come out of my mouth. Or try and get the mess that is my thoughts in order.

Do you wish Life had an Undo Button?

Blogs that I Cannot Live Without

I have realised that so many of my blogs are born from anger or sadness. I want to blog when I have happy things to talk about as well. 

I would love to blog about my nephews and nieces but I find it hard to do this without putting a million photos up. Unfortunately, their parents are not really keen about having their photos up online so I tend not to blog about them at all. Perhaps I will find a way around it somehow.

I read a lot of blogs written by New Zealanders, American’s etc. and I love them. They write funny, sad, angry, poignant blogs. I am addicted to reading them and looking at their pictures. There are blogs that make me think, blogs that make me cry, blogs that challenge my own beliefs. These are some that I cannot do without; I love them….they enrich my life (this is not even half of the blogs I read regularly):

People

Alice and Wallace

Ally

Jenna

Kassh

Kat

Kelle Hampton

Kez

Lauren

Leah

Lisa

Pauline

Sarah

Tea Elle

Pretty Stuff

Bakerella

Delish Cupcakes

Green Wedding Shoes

Hostess with the Mostess

How Sweet it is

Reasons to Breathe

Sarah’s Party Perfect

Style Me Pretty

Animals

Lucky Dog Rescue

Photographers

Allie

Jason

PerspectivesPhotography

Steph

Tara

Last week I noticed that Penguin Books were looking for bloggers to review books. I was really keen and then I realised that I did not think that many people read my blog #SadPanda. I kind of wonder how other bloggers increase their visitor numbers? Write regularly? Shorter blogs? Have cool photos?

Any ideas?~ Because it's all about me!

Fat Haters

Last night I watched ‘Embarrassing Fat Bodies’ on TV. It was pretty heart-breaking and maybe a little disturbing; but I could not look away. I saw a great deal of tweets about this about how people were disgusted, or it made them want to vomit. It also saw the fat haters come out and add their 2 cents worth on Twitter.

Fat hating no longer surprises me given the fact that I have been overweight/obese all my life and every day I have my own version of ‘Embarrassing Fat Bodies’ to contend with. The horrible comments left on weight-loss blogs no longer affect me that much.  

For the most part I expect that people that are overweight have their own reasons for getting to that place. For me (like many) it is eating more than I am burning. So from a TOTALLY simplistic point of view my energy ‘in’ is way more than my energy ‘out’.

I am neither a doctor nor a medical professional, but I expect that in some cases medication, genetics and health plays an issue.

I happened to scroll back through the tweets, and one particularly annoyed me. It was basically that it’s clear how people become obese and again it was ‘just’ about food and exercise. I personally realise that this is how I got obese and I am sure most people realise that as well; however there are often deeper things going on. So by just saying “you are fat because you eat FAR too much and do no exercise” is like saying that nothing else is going on for you at all. So the problem will be easily solved by eating less and exercising. Sorry but I disagree. Yes, you can eat less and exercise but you are bound to revert back to learned behaviour if you do not get to the root of the issue.

I remember when I first watched Kepa (you can see his journey here) on TV and his advice was that you needed to get your “head right” first and essentially the rest would follow. Kepa lost 129kg over the course of about 2 years so I think that he knows what he is talking about. He did not have an operation, he just got some help, started to change the way that he ate and eventually starting moving. It was a struggle, but he is healthier, happier and living the life of someone his age. I appreciate sometimes you have to push through to get your head right, but it can definitely be done.

There is my friend Liz who lost 80kg and got fit, well and healthy. I can still remember watching her for the first time on morning TV. I was blown away. You can check out her website here.  She started by not eating enough and realised that this was not the way. She did her research and starting eating well, and exercising. :)

If you have never ever had a weight problem or never been obese please do not feel like you have the right to tell fat people why they are the way that they are. You are only seeing the outside and not what is going on in the inside.

I wrote a blog a few months ago about my weight and the emotional side of things. If you want to see people breaking through their mental and emotional barriers just watch any version of The Biggest Loser.

I strongly believe that we should be supporting families in the community and teaching them about healthier choices, cooking and baking from scratch so that they can teach their children. We should be encouraging schools to grow small gardens so that perhaps children can take this knowledge home to their families. A garden does not need to be a huge expense and I know friends who use their scraps to create compost, to then create a small functional garden. You can also have a look at Kat’s blog here.

I also believe that physical education should be compulsory in schools until 6^th or 7^th form; with varied activities as not all children are runners. Get your families out for walks or even playing in the back yard. Limit children’s TV, gaming or internet time and just get them moving.

Oh and by the way do not even come at me with the fact that my weight is causing a “DRAIN” on the public healthcare. I have private insurance and very rarely go to the doctor. I am also on track to my weight loss goals for Christmas and next year.

3 Months, 18 Days

Jumped on the scales this morning and had lost 1.5kg. I know that I can do better than that especially while I am carrying so much weight, but it is a really great start.

I have a Christmas goal of 25kg but even 16kg which is 10% of my body weight (give or take) would be fabulous.

I am still struggling to get up to go to the gym in the mornings though. It is lighter, but I just want to stay in bed. That is NOT going to get me closer to my goal. Last night I changed my alarm tune to the theme from Magnum P.I. I am wondering if I should have changed it to Mission Impossible. Once I am up it is fine, it is just getting my feet on the floor and getting my gym gear on.

I need to be moving more to burn the stored “fat”. So really I should be moving twice a day; six days per week. On the flipside I am eating less and am eating way more vegetables. I cannot wait until summer fruit hits the shelves as strawberries and nectarines are my absolutely favourite fruits.

I have been watching #BiggestLoserAustralia2011 online and that has been pretty inspiring. There are a couple of contestants that are doing my head in and one is a compete whinger. She is actually training with the Commando and even 9 weeks in she is still struggling with the emotional/mental hurdles of spending her life as an obese woman.

Does she piss me off because she reminds me of me? This morning at the gym I walked the stairs and when it got hard I got snappy with my personal trainer and said “I know” when she was offering words of encouragement. I realised that this is what I do. When I am frustrated at myself for being obese and unfit I get touchy and snappy. Normally, I just “suck it up (cupcake)” but every so often the negatively slips out.

So my goal is to get out of bed when my alarm goes off and get dressed straight away. Also, I need to have earlier nights so that I am not so shattered during the day.

Three Things that Have Almost driven me MAD

Over the past 1-2 years there have been three things that have nearly driven me crazy. They cause me huge peaks of emotion. I feel intense sorrow and then cold fury. I have resisted blogging about them because I have not felt that it was right to write down my feelings, however I believe that in order for me to start to move on to a better place that now is the right time.

The Workplace

This is not about my workplace (I love my job) but the workplace of a friend.

Every time you come to me about your work I can feel my anger start to grow. I want to clap my hands over my ears and scream. I want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon (King Lear reference right there).

Our conversations often start out calm and I listen and try and provide advice and words of support. But then I see the same problems crop up in your day all the time. It pains me to see you struggling with the situation, but I feel I have no more to offer you. Our conversations often end in me getting angry and frustrated and a lot of swearing.

I loathe your employer and your boss (and past boss) to such a degree that I feel I cannot be the supportive person that you need to talk to. I cannot be impartial anymore and just hope that you have the strength to do what is right and move on.

Your last boss was an evil, evil bitch. She did damage to you and I strongly believe she did damage to your potential career growth within the company.

So, I will try and support you a little, but do not expect too much. At the end of the day I feel that the company you work for is horrible and definitely not a healthy place to work. Hopefully, you will come to this realisation and be able to move on.

Unemployment

Disclaimer: I do not have a problem with people that need to receive benefits and this blog is not about bagging people who need them.

A few years ago you were made redundant. Then your partner resigned. I was gobsmacked. In a recession why resign just because your partner was made redundant.

You tried to get jobs and failed. You were not willing to move from the city you lived in to try for work. You only went for jobs in your “sector” and area of expertise, when perhaps you should have broadened your scope a little. Why not even try and find an interim job doing something while you were looking? Oh no…that’s right you were offered an awesome “interim” opportunity by family and did not take it.

You continued to live your life of “luxury” despite not having a job. This just made me ANGRY considering you had been very, very vocal about people/families taking advantage of the welfare system. You flipping hypocritical moron.

When you stayed with us your partner admired our belongings and made comments like “wow I love your XX” and “I cannot wait to get some pots like that”. Seriously, Mark and I have had to work hard to get what little we have. We had second hand stuff for ages, and eventually we were able to replace stuff bit by bit. For the record we do not replace things until they are dead!

You have finally gotten a job, but that has not changed my opinion of you. Eventually, I will probably come around but I will never forget your selfishness and laziness. You took advantage of people that were trying to help you. You did not even really contribute money towards living costs i.e. food, rent etc.

I believe that your selfishness remains. All I have to say to you is “to grow the hell up”. If no one tells you that soon, I may very well find my voice and do the telling.

Only the Lonely

I have a friend who is an only child and she is struggling a bit with what is going on with her parents as they are struggling. Other people tell her that they are there for her, to help, bounce ideas off etc. But she feels that even though there is a support network for her that at the end of the day she is alone and it is ultimately her responsibility. I feel for her as it is breaking her heart and her spirit bit by bit. She has changed in the past few years and is not the bubbly happy person that I know and remember.

It breaks my heart to see her like this. See her effectively shouldering the burden on her own. Perhaps it is the “curse” of the only child. They are just used to dealing with stuff on their own without having to turn to others. 

That is all. Vent over.

#ChristmasGoal2011

In July I got the flu. It initially started as a cold and then quickly spread to my chest. I had to go to Sydney for work and this set my recovery back. I had to take two courses of antibiotics and go to the doctor twice. Despite loading up on vitamins and good food it took me about 4 weeks to recover.

This shocked me. I never get sick and if I do I recover really fast. It made me realise that while my age has somewhat held my ‘health’ in check over the years it is suddenly catching up on me. It is clear to me that I need to do something drastic to reduce my weight for the long-term and get healthier.

To put it bluntly I am eating FAR more than I am burning.

I went back to see my personal trainer after about a month and a half off and we set some goals. The biggest one is to get back on track with my exercise and eating and have a goal for Christmas. So I weighed in (and I have gained about 6-8 kgs since the beginning of the year) and that sucked; but it is a starting point.

I then committed to myself and my trainer that I would not gain any more weight and I would endeavour to lose 25kg (or at minimum 10% of my body weight) by the end of the year.

My trainer also told me that I need to be exercising twice a day whether it is a couple of 30 minute walks, or a bike ride etc. and I need to be planning my meals.

I know what to do. I know about exercise. The area where I fall down is planning.

I have been bringing my lunch to work and making sure that I have healthy snacks available to eat. I am making sure that I do some more activity when I get home first with a bike ride on Tuesday night and then a walk up the road on Wednesday.

I am doing the 6km Sculpt walk with my trainer and friends in early December.

I have been watching The Biggest Loser Australia 2011 (Families) via their website as quite frankly I got sick of waiting and WAITING for it to be aired in New Zealand. Hopefully you can view these here on their website.

While watching I saw an episode where one of the contestants eats this crazy, creamy pasta for breakfast every day. I just about threw up and then realised that pasta is my absolute downfall and is probably a huge reason why I am eating way too many calories. You can see the preview “clip” here (the pasta bit is right at the end). 

Anyway…that is where I am at. How about you?